When everything is sensory overload, you get used to expending almost all of your attention listening—and filtering, processing—for cues, for the signal amongst all the noise. As a result, even as an active listener you spend most of your time as passive, receptive. So your own personality often seems suppressed, or at least unexpressed. You worry about not seeming assertive enough, not projecting confidence — because you’re _not_ confident you’re picking the right cues out of the noise.
At the same time, when you’ve grown up with every interaction seeming like a mystery, you develop that expectation. When someone’s not a mystery, you wonder what you’re missing. And you can find yourself attracted to people who present a compelling puzzle to you, who give you something to figure out, to solve.
So you end up in situations or relationships that are more complicated than they need be, because that’s what you’re looking for, because that’s what you expect. It’s what you *trust*. You meet anything else with skepticism.
Hopefully, like any good investigator, when you find yourself stumped, you reevaluate your assumptions. Hopefully, you identify the problematic presumptions and this allows you to solve/resolve the particular mystery inside yourself.
I’M ACTUALLY A REALLY NICE PERSON IM JUST USED TO BEING WALKED ALL OVER AND DISRESPECTED SO SOMETIMES I COME OFF AS MEAN BUT I JUST CANT LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND I HAD TO GROW UP REALLY FAST OK BUT I PROMISE I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND GOOD INTENTIONS AND I DONT WANT TO EVER HURT PEOPLE’S FEELINGS BUT SOMETIMES I JSUT HAVE TO HAVE THE UPPER HAND AND MAKE SURE I DONT GET HURT IM SORR YI LOVE EVERYONE
SOMEBODY FUCKING SAID IT
Good intentions don’t mean shit if you’re acting like a dick. No one cares if you had a rough life, or if you’re going through some shit, or if you’re “a really nice person” if all you do is snap back at the world and treat people shitty before they get the chance to hurt you. Because you know what? 99% of the people you interact with aren’t going to hurt you. It would never even occur to them to do so. I’m not saying you should put up with the 1% who DO want to take you down and make you miserable and use you for their own gain, because fuck those assholes. But if that’s the lens you’re using to look at the entire fucking population, then I guarantee the person doing the most hurting is YOU. To yourself, and to the people around you who didn’t do a fucking thing to deserve it but wish you well. If your first response is to try to get the upper hand on someone, then YOU are the attacker. YOU are the asshole. And YOU are the reason you can’t trust anyone. You would rather hit first than even consider that the other side doesn’t want to fight. The other side wasn’t even aware there was anything to fight about. And that makes you a bully. Congrats, you’ve become the thing you hate.
How much of the hurt in the world is people who’ve been hurt lashing out? It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. You gotta squash it. It’s the only way. It has to end with you.
“Chris [Pratt] never uses a spit bucket. When you do scenes where a character is eating, you eat and then spit it out into a ‘spit bucket.’ Chris just keeps eating. If you see Andy eating a cheeseburger in a scene, you should know Chris Pratt ate like 8 cheeseburgers. I love that guy.”—
I filmed a few eps of a webseries that ended up going nowhere, and in one of them, the main girl was eating calzone. She was a model, and the joke was that she ate like a horse even though she weighed about 95 pounds soaking wet. Anyway, the scene we were doing made a big deal of her taking the first bite of a pepperoni calzone, so there were like, seven calzones lined up and ready to go.
After five bites (one per calzone), she said she couldn’t possibly eat any more and she hoped we got the shot.
I had eaten the rest of the five calzones in that same amount of time.
So, I was at lunch with a friend and his sister after seeing ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’, catching up on stuff and talk turned to the new series of Doctor Who - our expectations, Peter Capaldi, Jenna possibly leaving, the Matt Smith era - and his sister suddenly raises an interesting point.
"Isn’t the Matt Smith era kind of similar to Twilight?"
This caused both my friend and I to pause, and look at each other with a similar expression of puzzlement.
"Yeah - I mean the storyline is very similar," she continued "The main female character has to choose between two men from different races, makes her choice and has baby. Baby grows up abnormally fast, and ends up marrying the other man."
Despite how this theory glosses over some of the plot, it still kind of stunned me as I realisation slowly dawned on me.