tagged by Cat to list “15 things that make me happy!”
singing… especially singing for an audience and then getting compliments specifically on my voice (even at a comedy show) afterwards. I need to sing while I work (sorry, coworkers) or I can’t really do anything.
making someone else laugh, or smile. Nothing makes my day like making someone else’s day.
Figuring something out (science!). My brain just loves firing up all kinds of different neurons and making new connections between ones that weren’t connected before. It’s basically the best feeling.
Helping someone else figure something out. Leading someone to knowledge without just thrusting it onto them is pretty much the best. There’s an entire Rush song about just that feeling of watching someone else catch the spark of something that sets you alight. P.S. Remember I teach classes.
Motorcycling. Getting out on the road, alone in my helmet (where I can sing and not care!) with just me, the road, and my reflexes. It takes total concentration, which is what makes it The Perfect Vehicle (especially for someone with ADHD).
It’s also one of my favorite ways to feel connected to my dad.
Drumming also helps me feel connected to him. And making music in general (the singing is entirely my mom, though). Constructing beats, figuring out polyrhythms… it’s all math (see #3). Keeps my brain occupied, which is much better than the usual chaos. I like to refer to it as Attention Surplus Disorder, because really it’s just that my brain wants to be running at 100% at all times, and if I don’t have something to channel it into, it’ll run amok (most of the damage I’ve done in my life has been during periods when I was ‘bored’, or as close to it as I get). Also why motorcycling is so awesome: 100% concentration.
Writing. Which is both the physical sensation of it (pen against paper, typing on my nice typewriter, even scrawling on my iPad) and the concept of concentrating and packaging your thoughts into something that someone else can run like software, and you can change their mind. Make them think something they’ve never thought before. Rewrite their internal programming. The transduction of ideas. Is just… wow.
Math math math. Independently from science, the pure form of numbers, geometries, and mathematical relations. Visual mathematics (like visual proofs). And like many of the things above, turning someone who “hates/is bad at math” on to something in a way they’ve never thought about it before. Math is the pure poetry of the universe.
Women. Not girls, grown-ass women. But I think that much is obvious. I think these days I only develop ~3 crushes a day instead of 5, but I still find something new to love every day. It’s not always sexual (in fact, it’s usually not). I’ve just never had much need for masculinity in my life. Most of my friends have been female as long as I’ve been able to talk. Maybe that’s partially my dad’s influence (now there was a fella who styled himself as a ladies’ man… and who would take his precocious two-year-old son to the grocery store because he knew he would invariably approach the best-looking woman in the store and engage her in a two-sided conversation)? This is why I’ve never really understood misogyny. Women in general are pretty great and if they’re not to you right now, it’s probably because they are putting up with so much shit from the world.
LONG PARENTHETICALS (duh)
Actually feeling someone crush on me. Probably because of #9, whereupon I fall hard and fast and right away, never allowing the other person to get there first and ergo probably generally scaring them away
This basically overlaps with several of the above, but totally: Romantic Gestures. I love doing things big or small that remind someone I was thinking of them. Again, doesn’t even need to be about a sexual thing. Just like, I was thinking of you and how the thing I want most in the world is to find a clever way to make you smile. Or a not clever way. Just anything that will make you realize the light you shine into the world, girl.
—One of the things I miss most about not being in a relationship is that I have so few opportunities now to surprise someone with flowers (where it would be appropriate to do so).—
Praise. oh god praise. The smart kid’s curse. Lisa Simpsonsaid it best. Even little tiny praise on inconsequential things oh how i craves it precious
Someone who likes cuddling as much as I do and also likes me. #snuglife #winteriscoming
My female villains are all so different!! But they all wear black clothes, dark lipstick and up-dos. Why waste time in characterization when their looks can tell all you need to know? I mean you don’t want them being more than stereotypes, that would be so confusing to the audience!
When everything is sensory overload, you get used to expending almost all of your attention listening—and filtering, processing—for cues, for the signal amongst all the noise. As a result, even as an active listener you spend most of your time as passive, receptive. So your own personality often seems suppressed, or at least unexpressed. You worry about not seeming assertive enough, not projecting confidence — because you’re _not_ confident you’re picking the right cues out of the noise.
At the same time, when you’ve grown up with every interaction seeming like a mystery, you develop that expectation. When someone’s not a mystery, you wonder what you’re missing. And you can find yourself attracted to people who present a compelling puzzle to you, who give you something to figure out, to solve.
So you end up in situations or relationships that are more complicated than they need be, because that’s what you’re looking for, because that’s what you expect. It’s what you *trust*. You meet anything else with skepticism.
Hopefully, like any good investigator, when you find yourself stumped, you reevaluate your assumptions. Hopefully, you identify the problematic presumptions and this allows you to solve/resolve the particular mystery inside yourself.
I’M ACTUALLY A REALLY NICE PERSON IM JUST USED TO BEING WALKED ALL OVER AND DISRESPECTED SO SOMETIMES I COME OFF AS MEAN BUT I JUST CANT LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND I HAD TO GROW UP REALLY FAST OK BUT I PROMISE I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND GOOD INTENTIONS AND I DONT WANT TO EVER HURT PEOPLE’S FEELINGS BUT SOMETIMES I JSUT HAVE TO HAVE THE UPPER HAND AND MAKE SURE I DONT GET HURT IM SORR YI LOVE EVERYONE
SOMEBODY FUCKING SAID IT
Good intentions don’t mean shit if you’re acting like a dick. No one cares if you had a rough life, or if you’re going through some shit, or if you’re “a really nice person” if all you do is snap back at the world and treat people shitty before they get the chance to hurt you. Because you know what? 99% of the people you interact with aren’t going to hurt you. It would never even occur to them to do so. I’m not saying you should put up with the 1% who DO want to take you down and make you miserable and use you for their own gain, because fuck those assholes. But if that’s the lens you’re using to look at the entire fucking population, then I guarantee the person doing the most hurting is YOU. To yourself, and to the people around you who didn’t do a fucking thing to deserve it but wish you well. If your first response is to try to get the upper hand on someone, then YOU are the attacker. YOU are the asshole. And YOU are the reason you can’t trust anyone. You would rather hit first than even consider that the other side doesn’t want to fight. The other side wasn’t even aware there was anything to fight about. And that makes you a bully. Congrats, you’ve become the thing you hate.
How much of the hurt in the world is people who’ve been hurt lashing out? It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. You gotta squash it. It’s the only way. It has to end with you.